寶：得到了，不單要珍惜，還要抓住不放！
貓奴：兩貓在身，勝過千女在懷！
豆寶媽：原來，貓和狐狸（精）並沒兩樣！
星期三, 12月 21, 2005
星期五, 12月 16, 2005
貓奴之言（一）
養貓
網友馬城的八妹一次意外，從此和馬城永別了。馬城還把送別八妹的過程拍下來，看了令人心酸。
一般人不會理解為甚麼一隻貓的離去，會為養貓的人帶來這麼大的悲痛。他們也不會明白，雖然只是一隻貓，但養貓的人已經把他們當作親人一樣看待。
養貓是其實一種自虐的行為。
貓不像狗，不會隨時候命討你歡心。他們懶得跟你到沙灘喪跑，不屑跟你到維園遊行，更別指望他們幫你到公園結識異性！還有，當你悲傷的時候，別妄想他們會靜靜地躺在腳邊陪你（有時甚至在你心情最低落的時候給你添煩添亂！）就算他們肯親你，說穿了不過是貪圖你的體溫。或者貓糧。最糟的是，他們總會先走一步，離你而去．．．
雖然如此，養貓的人就是心甘情願地付出這種近乎單向的、沒有回饋的愛。
沒有想過佔有，沒有想過回報。只希望他們在短暫的生命裡，得到溫飽，得到平安，得到愛。
就這麼簡單。
如果所有人都抱有這種心態，大概煩惱會少一點，世界也會和平一點。〔豆寶按：這樣人類絕種的機會也會高一點囉！〕
星期三, 11月 23, 2005
給 CHOI CHOI 姐姐
知道了你家裏發生的事．．．
相信你一定很傷心
我們也是
但我們知道
豆寶媽和她的同事永遠都會支持你
貓奴也會默默祝福你
在那一天
當你重遇哥哥
你一定要告訴他
這麼多年來
你都沒有令他失望
每天都活得很精彩！
豆、寶 上
相信你一定很傷心
我們也是
但我們知道
豆寶媽和她的同事永遠都會支持你
貓奴也會默默祝福你
在那一天
當你重遇哥哥
你一定要告訴他
這麼多年來
你都沒有令他失望
每天都活得很精彩！
豆、寶 上
星期二, 10月 18, 2005
星期二, 9月 27, 2005
星期六, 9月 24, 2005
寫得好！
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets
- They live here. You don't.
- If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
- I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
- To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy and walks on all fours. Although they doesn't speak clearly, they communicate extremely well, especially cats.
- Dogs and cats are better than kids ...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called (this does not apply to cats), never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. Also, if they get pregnant, you can sell the children!!!
實用資料：如何餵貓吃藥
雖然長了一點，但很有用．．．
How To Give Your Cat A Pill
How To Give Your Cat A Pill
- Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
- Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
- Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
- Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
- Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
- Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
- Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from the hearth and set to one side to repair later.
- Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
- Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
- Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
- Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
- Ring fire brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
- Tie the cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
- Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnant from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
- Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to Give a Dog a Pill?
- Wrap it in bacon.
星期四, 9月 22, 2005
星期五, 9月 09, 2005
貓新聞
奉勸各位貓同志，切勿在電視機上嘔吐，以免釀成火災．．．
Sick cat causes major house fire
A pet cat caused a house fire after a TV caught light when he was sick on it.
Julie Morris' property in Byron Street, Normanton, Derby, was seriously damaged in the blaze in the early hours of Wednesday.
The fire spread from the TV to the living room when Felix the cat was sick. The rest of the property was left smoke damaged.
Ms Morris, who had no house insurance, and her pet managed to escape from the fire unharmed.
The cost of the repairs are not yet known and Ms Morris has been left temporarily homeless.
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/england/derbyshire/4205808.stm
Published: 2005/09/01 15:55:34 GMT
© BBC MMV
Sick cat causes major house fire
A pet cat caused a house fire after a TV caught light when he was sick on it.
Julie Morris' property in Byron Street, Normanton, Derby, was seriously damaged in the blaze in the early hours of Wednesday.
The fire spread from the TV to the living room when Felix the cat was sick. The rest of the property was left smoke damaged.
Ms Morris, who had no house insurance, and her pet managed to escape from the fire unharmed.
The cost of the repairs are not yet known and Ms Morris has been left temporarily homeless.
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/england/derbyshire/4205808.stm
Published: 2005/09/01 15:55:34 GMT
© BBC MMV
星期五, 8月 26, 2005
Blog Tag遊戲：怪癖！
中招！多得熊貓西西里．．． :-p
阿豆的怪癖：
關燈後，貓奴永遠不敢在家裏隨處走動，因為阿豆總會失驚無神撲出來襲擊貓奴雙腳，並當是仇人一樣咬之而後快，不見血，不罷休。
阿寶的怪癖：
每次貓奴要去洗澡，阿寶必定一個箭步跑進廁所，賴死不肯走，直至貓奴強行把她拖離現場。
豆寶媽的怪癖：
床單不能皺，否則睡不著。就算貓奴已經先睡著了，也要被迫抱著枕頭起床，讓她重鋪床單。
貓奴的怪癖：
能夠容忍家裏的怪貓怪人，還能不算是怪癖嗎？
（我們都不認識其他blog友，這個blog tag遊戲就此打住了。）
阿豆的怪癖：
關燈後，貓奴永遠不敢在家裏隨處走動，因為阿豆總會失驚無神撲出來襲擊貓奴雙腳，並當是仇人一樣咬之而後快，不見血，不罷休。
阿寶的怪癖：
每次貓奴要去洗澡，阿寶必定一個箭步跑進廁所，賴死不肯走，直至貓奴強行把她拖離現場。
豆寶媽的怪癖：
床單不能皺，否則睡不著。就算貓奴已經先睡著了，也要被迫抱著枕頭起床，讓她重鋪床單。
貓奴的怪癖：
能夠容忍家裏的怪貓怪人，還能不算是怪癖嗎？
（我們都不認識其他blog友，這個blog tag遊戲就此打住了。）
星期日, 8月 14, 2005
星期日, 7月 17, 2005
關於「愛貓的男人」的十大謬誤
- 他很有愛心（實情是他只對貓有愛心。）
- 他很溫柔（同上。）
- 他愛靜（他不怕靜，但不代表他愛靜。）
- 他不愛說話（不愛說話和不會說話是兩回事。我勸你還是不要在他面前談貓，除非你也喜歡貓。）
- 他很自我中心（貓很自我中心。如果養貓的人也自我中心，那就註定是一場災難。）
- 他是個夜貓子（這個要看年紀囉～～貓奴十二點之前就要睡啦。）
- 他喜歡像貓一樣難以捉摸的女人（就給他一個像貓一樣難以捉摸的女人，試試看他什麼時候放棄吧！）
- 他喜歡Hello Kitty（黐線！！）
- 他會愈來愈像貓（除非他身上長毛！）
- 他很愛貓（真是天曉得！不如你去問他，如果老婆同貓一同掉進河裏，他會先救哪一個吧！）
星期六, 7月 09, 2005
星期五, 7月 01, 2005
星期六, 6月 18, 2005
工作的真諦
【工作】：從事體力或腦力勞動。《現代漢語詞典》
如果我是人，也許就要像貓奴一樣每天去上班工作。
我問貓奴，工作是什麼？
貓奴說，工作，簡單來說就是「做一些無關痛癢的事情，然後把這些事情包裝成很有價值，以便說服別人沒有你是不行的一個過程。」（Luk, 2000）
這的確很費神啊，我說，那麼工作的目的到底是什麼？
貓奴思索了一會，然後說，工作的目的，就是換取金錢。金錢可以用來買食物，買房子，買很多很多的東西囉。
啊？我感到很不可思議。為什麼我不用工作，每天仍然不用挨餓？
貓奴冷笑一聲，你是主人，當然不用工作啦！
哈！是這樣嗎？怪不得，怪不得。不過，貓奴可能不知道，家貓其實也要工作。家貓的工作，簡單來說就是「做一些無關痛癢的事情，擺一些（裝）可愛的姿勢，讓人覺得你很有價值，甚至覺得沒有你是不行的一個過程。」（Dao, 2004）
就是這樣囉：
如果我是人，也許就要像貓奴一樣每天去上班工作。
我問貓奴，工作是什麼？
貓奴說，工作，簡單來說就是「做一些無關痛癢的事情，然後把這些事情包裝成很有價值，以便說服別人沒有你是不行的一個過程。」（Luk, 2000）
這的確很費神啊，我說，那麼工作的目的到底是什麼？
貓奴思索了一會，然後說，工作的目的，就是換取金錢。金錢可以用來買食物，買房子，買很多很多的東西囉。
啊？我感到很不可思議。為什麼我不用工作，每天仍然不用挨餓？
貓奴冷笑一聲，你是主人，當然不用工作啦！
哈！是這樣嗎？怪不得，怪不得。不過，貓奴可能不知道，家貓其實也要工作。家貓的工作，簡單來說就是「做一些無關痛癢的事情，擺一些（裝）可愛的姿勢，讓人覺得你很有價值，甚至覺得沒有你是不行的一個過程。」（Dao, 2004）
就是這樣囉：
星期六, 6月 11, 2005
養生之道：太極午睡大法
材料：
1. 大床一張
2. 貓兩隻
步驟：
1. 趁貓奴不在意，竄進睡房，跳上大床。
2. 在床上找出一個最舒適的位置。
3. 面向對方的pat pat，躺下。
4. 於一分鐘內入睡，即成。
〔貓奴：一_一''' 真無聊．．．〕
1. 大床一張
2. 貓兩隻
步驟：
1. 趁貓奴不在意，竄進睡房，跳上大床。
2. 在床上找出一個最舒適的位置。
3. 面向對方的pat pat，躺下。
4. 於一分鐘內入睡，即成。
〔貓奴：一_一''' 真無聊．．．〕
星期三, 6月 08, 2005
撞鬼！貓都要搵工！！
可憐的蘇格蘭貓同志．．．
Puss Idol hunt for distillery cat
Nine cats are to compete for a job hunting mice at Scotland's oldest working distillery.
Only one lucky feline will be picked to follow in the paw prints of Towser, a record-breaking mouser who worked at the Glenturret Distillery in Crieff...
..."Mousing ability would be an advantage but is not essential."...
Towser broke the world record for mousing ability
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/scotland/4596611.stm
Published: 2005/05/31 15:29:53 GMT
Puss Idol hunt for distillery cat
Nine cats are to compete for a job hunting mice at Scotland's oldest working distillery.
Only one lucky feline will be picked to follow in the paw prints of Towser, a record-breaking mouser who worked at the Glenturret Distillery in Crieff...
..."Mousing ability would be an advantage but is not essential."...
Towser broke the world record for mousing ability
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/scotland/4596611.stm
Published: 2005/05/31 15:29:53 GMT
星期六, 6月 04, 2005
星期五, 6月 03, 2005
星期日, 5月 29, 2005
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