Cat Flu

本來因為小事去看醫生，回來之後卻害了一場大病！

貓奴你真係好帶挈．．．乞嚏～～

"What's Michael" VCD

終於找到啦！！

寫得好！

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy and walks on all fours. Although they doesn't speak clearly, they communicate extremely well, especially cats.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids ...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called (this does not apply to cats), never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. Also, if they get pregnant, you can sell the children!!!

Source: http://www.catclinic.co.uk/fun/funtext/funtext.htm

實用資料：如何餵貓吃藥

雖然長了一點，但很有用．．．

How To Give Your Cat A Pill

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from the hearth and set to one side to repair later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnant from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to Give a Dog a Pill?

1. Wrap it in bacon.

Source: http://www.catclinic.co.uk/fun/funtext/givepill.htm

貓物語

這就是貓奴兩個的精神食糧。

在此要感謝 I 小姐和她的台灣朋友的幫忙，當然還有 A 小姐啦。
你們知道嘛，貓奴愈看得多貓物語，我們的生活質素也就愈高啊！

洗臉貓

我們．．．
就是這麼愛清潔！
呵呵呵～～

粒墨！

貓貓地的櫥窗有很多貓照片，唯獨這一張，打從一開始就吸引著貓奴。

他／她叫「粒墨」。

照片是2000年拍的。

不知道「粒墨」現在活得怎樣？

貓新聞

奉勸各位貓同志，切勿在電視機上嘔吐，以免釀成火災．．．

Sick cat causes major house fire

A pet cat caused a house fire after a TV caught light when he was sick on it.

Julie Morris' property in Byron Street, Normanton, Derby, was seriously damaged in the blaze in the early hours of Wednesday.

The fire spread from the TV to the living room when Felix the cat was sick. The rest of the property was left smoke damaged.

Ms Morris, who had no house insurance, and her pet managed to escape from the fire unharmed.

The cost of the repairs are not yet known and Ms Morris has been left temporarily homeless.


Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/england/derbyshire/4205808.stm
Published: 2005/09/01 15:55:34 GMT
© BBC MMV

阿寶上明報

貓奴，你又投錯稿了。

我們可不是你的「寵物」！！